How early SHOULD you drive a car?

In my life growing up, getting a drivers license before you had a car was not a priority. We were in no rush until you turned sixteen. I was almost seventeen before I even went for my test and after my seventeenth birthday before I got my license. In my day, there was no such thing as graduated driver license program like there is now. The day you got your license, you could pile your friends in the car, unbelted, after midnight, with packs of smokes, and head to the bootleggers for some liquid beverages. Now I didn’t do that, it’s just an example… but I could have. My parents had no opinion about me having my license or not, it was understood that I would not have access to the family vehicle. Then for the next year or so, didn’t drive very often. When I did, it was a friend’s car or my sister’s car. It wasn’t common for parents to purchase a car for their teenager; you had to work to get your own. So, because I didn’t have enough money to buy a car, at the age of nineteen, I got my motorcycle license and bought a bike. It wasn’t until I was about twenty-three did I buy my first car. It was a used 1984 Toyota Corolla SR5, hatchback sport coupe. It was a sports car with popup headlights and I thought it was awesome.

So, my question is “How early should you drive a car?” Legally you can start driving at fifteen years old but should you? My oldest started the driver’s course when he was sixteen and never got his license until he was seventeen. Now my middle son started just after his sixteenth birthday and had his license for a while but really doesn’t have a need to drive on his own. Except of course, him wanting to cruise around town… not! He gets driven or walks to work, bused to school, and most of his friends are in walking distance. So, where is the need to drive?

Now, its son #3, he wants his license today… but he is only fifteen. I don’t see the need to drive so early. He has two brothers that can drive him were he needs to go, doesn’t have a job and can take the bus to school. Plus, the laws changed so upon the time he gets his learners permit, he is automatically on my car insurance. So, do I pay the high cost of insurance on a driver that will only drive a couple hours a month? Do I get another junker car for them to share? Or do I just say, “not now” and try to encourage him to resist the extra responsibility or until he gets older with a job? Questions… questions… questions…

Why are kids in such a rush to grow up? Could it be they don’t want to be told what to do anymore? Could it be they want to do whatever they want? Could it be they want to go anywhere they want to go? Could it be they have no choice because society is demanding them to mature before they are ready? It could be any one of these reasons or many other explanations. So, the question remains: How do we keep our kids from wanting to grow up to fast?

Summer is Over… School has begun

I had several friends with little ones who were starting school for the first time. It was exciting to watch them go through the emotions and preparations. Now for me, the oldest is still in college, so he does his own thing and the other two are still in high school. This is my middle son’s Senior Year, so I was a little sad. In twelve years of his school years I don’t remember feeling emotional with him. He was the middle child, so he never was the one, who triggered the “first” or “last” because there was a brother before and after him. This year was a little different for me. My sophomore and senior accompanied me on the first day of school. I had to go to the high school to drop off some parent paperwork and I was feeling fine. We exited the car and my senior shot me a wave with “see ya, have a good day Mom”. I could feel my heart sink… this five foot, eleven inch tall young man, shuffles off in the other direction of me to meet up with friends. As my sophomore and I walk towards the front door, my senior was lagging behind as more and more friends gather around him. There is no way he will acknowledge me as his Mom.

Meanwhile, my youngest didn’t mind me walking with him into the school. As my son directed me to the area down the hall I needed to go drop off my papers, he said, “bye, Mom” and ran off towards his friends. I walked down the hall to the office to drop off my papers and the attendant looked up at me and said, “Ah Darlene, you have a senior, this is the last year of school for him”. Then it hit me, my middle son now had his “first” and “last” moment… today was his "last first day of school". I couldn’t speak, I was afraid if I made any movement the tears would start flowing. She continued to look over the paperwork making sure everything was in order. I thanked for her time and wished her a great day and turned towards the door. I could see all these kids racing pass the door to meet up with friends they haven’t seen all summer long. Now, my biggest worry of the moment… to see one of my boys. Please, God, let me make to the parking lot before I become a blubbering idiot. I stepped into the hall and I can hear the giggles of excitement amongst the kids. I made my way down the hall, trying not to focus on anyone’s face. One part of me wanted to recognize one of the faces as my boys so I can wave one more time and then the other part was hoping I wouldn’t with the fear they wouldn’t wave back because it was un-cool.

I made it to the front door but it was jammed with kids trying to get in. I finally made it through the crowd and headed across the parking lot. As I made it to the car, I looked back and silently wished my boys an awesome day and school year, then the tears start rolling down my cheek. This was an incredible day in the “Memories of Mom”, it was an awesome “last first” moment in my book of life.

High School – Senior Year

Well, our second son is now officially a High School Senior. The other day he went to his photo session to have his yearbook, grad cap & gown, and contemporary portrait taken. What a memorial event. I thought our son would have a hard time with this process because he is not always keen on having his picture taken. Then you add formality into the mix… oh no!! So, I was pleasantly surprised. He picked out his two outfits that he wanted to wear for the casual photos. Yes, I said it correctly… Outfits… they take 14 photos in total. We were busy getting ready, showering, fixing hair, ironing shirts, borrowing ties and shinning shoes. Then, I read the instructions again… “Props”… he could bring props? I thought about it and he is not in any school sports or ivy league stuff… what could he use for his props. Could it be a picture of him sitting at the computer gaming, skateboarding down the street, hoodie pulled over his head shuffling, or asleep. Gnaw, that didn’t make sense, all those things he does at home, so what is he known for at school. Hummmm!

I got it… “Him and his iPod”. A picture of him sitting there with those white headphones dangling out of his ears as he rocks to the music. This is how he spends his time traveling to and from school… as he drags his heels up the sidewalk jamming! The photographer was pretty excited about the picture suggestion. It’s not a normal prop used for high school senior photos. I am sure the photographer felt a little creative as he remember the symbolic commercial of U2 that made those white wires famous and an instant recognition of product.

Senior photos… the boy is growing up!

Love Is… Summer Vacations!

Sitting here thinking about what it was like when I was a kid. I couldn’t wait until summer vacation, knowing schools out and spending time with my friends. I grew up on the Atlantic coast so swimming and water sports were a big part of my summer fun. We couldn’t go swimming in the ocean until the end of June, actually we would take our native dive the long weekend in May and we quickly remembered that we need to wait until the water and air temperature was a little warmer. Average air temp in Nova Scotia in May is 60 F and the water is not any warmer…. Brrrrr!

So, I spent my days according to the high tide schedules. We would coordinate our day with the time of the tide and swim until the water turned. So sometime this would leave the morning open. Today, this differs for my boyz, but my house as a child; sleeping in was not a normal occurrence. You got woken by the noise of the daily house activities. My father worked shift work and my Mom was a domestic goddess, so there was no 8 to 5 in our house. It was easier to get up and do something with the day.

First you would contact your girlfriends and find out what was going on. If swimming schedule was for the afternoon, then we would try to get enough coins to head to the penny store. Sometimes we would walk the main road and look for lost money and if you found a quarter… you just won the kid-lotto and you had money for everyone. When I was young both of my parents smoked cigarettes; my Dad his whole life until I was a teenager and my Mom started in her forties until she was in her seventies. Then, all my siblings and in-laws smoked. My Dad also smoked the pipe and chewed bar tobacco (not snuff). So because I was so young my family would buy me Candy Cigarettes. Can you imagine this as a role model but it was very accepted during the time. I even bought the “candy sticks” (current name) for my kids when they where little just cause it was a fun memory for me. Each package contained ten white candy sticks with red tips. I sat after dinner and eat my cigarette with my family. Then we had the licorice cigars, I didn’t eat them because I don’t like licorice. Then you can’t forget the Cracker Jacks when it had a real prize worth digging for!

We would hope that the tide water wasn’t high early on a Saturday mornings. You couldn’t miss Saturday morning cartoons. This was the time I would curl up on the “couch” in front of our 12 inch black and white TV with 2 channels (CBC & CTV - no cable in the country). I would look forward to Casper the Friendly Ghost, Bug Bunny & Road Runner Hour, Quick Draw McGraw, Jetsons, Yogi’s Gang, Woody Woodpecker, Pink Panther, Gumby & Pokey, and my favorite H. R. Pufnstuf. Then, we all loved Scooby-Doo & Shaggy in that Mystery Machine Van, who ran around solving mysteries. So, what was in those Scoobie Snacks that made them see ghosts and monsters, as well as a talking dog. As I grew older I had a different understanding for these snacks where actually a metaphor for cannabis. As a child, I didn’t have a clue and actually Bugs Bunny & Road Runner was pretty violent if you really analyze it. To me, it was great animated fun and imagination.

As the youngest of three girls, I got all the Barbie hand-me-downs. I did like playing Barbies but my favorite doll was the Flatsys Doll made by Ideal. They where made of a soft vinyl with wires inside the limbs, neck and body so that it can be posed. Another great metaphor for children. What would it be today? Realistic Teenage Barbie ...complete with flat chest, braces and acne; pull her string and hear an outpouring of sassy, bratty phrases. Or, CyberBarbie... complete with sports car, iPhone and impants. My favorite toy was to irritate my parents with the Klick-Klacks or Clackers. It was two hard balls on a string with a ring in the middle. The point was to get the two balls swinging back and forth against each other. It was hard to get started but after you mastered it and got fastest the louder the noise which drove my family crazy. It was common to get hurt or hurt others walking by and eventually taken off the market.

I use to enjoy sitting and drawing the “Love Is…” comic strip. I drew, so many of these cartoons which I couldn’t tell you how many. As an adult, I realized that these characters are naked; you know definitely which are the boy and girl. As a child, I didn’t think anything of it. I remember being curious why the man would change hair color from straight black to curly blonde and sometimes have a mustache.

Then of course, we can’t forget the 8 Bit Atari gaming system. The three major players during my childhood were Apple, Atari and Commodore. My brother was the first one to own one. He had the Atari Pong… Wow!! It was a two dimensional game that simulated table tennis. You had a controller paddle to move the ball back and forth across the screen with a pong sound and try to score. You could play solo or against another player. I can’t tell you that I played it for hours but I was fascinated by the game and loved the funny sound it made when it hit the ball back.

So, back to summer vacation… my school break activities is completely different than our house today. They still hang with their buds but running down the street to knock on their door of their friends house to find out what the day will changed to text messaging “waz up?”. Plus, getting up early has been replaced with staying up late and sleeping in to noon. I am sure my boyz are having just as much fun as I did… but differently.

“Love Is… what makes life come alive”

Friendships

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you", known as the "golden rule. In my family we where all brought up learning the golden rule. I had a wooden ruler during grade school that had the rule engraved on it. The golden rule is usually associated with Christianity even though it was a code of behavior that many religions adopted. On the surface, it seems like a good principal to live by; after all, why treat anyone in a way that you wouldn’t want to be treated.

As I got older and experienced different personalities, I found the rule didn’t completely apply to all. It depended on how others interpreted it. So let’s break down the phrase. The rule states that you should treat others the way you want to be treated. For this to be successful, it would require everyone to be the same. I know the way I want to be treated is not the same as my friends do.

Instead of “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you,” let’s try “Do unto others as they would do unto themselves.” In other words, treat people the way they want to be treated, not the way you would want to be treated. I believe that we have the responsibility to “educate” our friends and family about how we want to be treated. If you don’t like the way people are treating you, then you have to do something about it. They do have your best interests at heart, so they should be receptive. It is also our responsibility to ask others how they want to be treated by us. So, I modified my rule to state: “Do unto others as THEY want to be treated”.

I am open to criticism. Those who know me well can stop laughing and others, don’t listen to them. I do encourage my friends to be honest and express your feelings. Well, I may not always like what people say but I do want to hear it. How can we grow and become a better friend if we don’t know what doesn’t work. It is also a learning process to understand more about the people you share your lives with. I am a woman of strong opinions but I am also a human being that needs to understand others. I know my ability to speak without thinking gets me in trouble and sometimes I am too honest. I do know a Friend is someone who knows all about you and loves you anyway! The only way to have a friend is to be one.

We are truly blessed with those in my life. We are honored to have people who care and give their heart to us. I am comforted by the blanket of kindness I receive in times of need and everyday life. I only hope I return the love and thoughtfulness to those who touch my soul.

It is great to have your world full of angels and we must remember a friend is someone who reaches for your hand, but touches your heart.

Birthdays…

Why do we have birthdays… sure, it happens the same time every year… but is it social tradition, is it our zodiac sign making the yearly occurrence, is it celebrating our future or documenting our past, but why do we celebrate it. I know I get more excited celebrating my son’s birthdays possibly because I am celebrating the anniversary of their birth. Birthdays are good for you, statistically showing the person who has the most, lives the longest.

So, I have already concluded that age doesn’t determine maturity… but what does the number of years really mean. Is it a timeline just like cars… to know when you need to change the oil, replace the tires, or when the transmission is ready to break down. This timeline contains variables such as what model it is, where it lives it life, and how well it is maintained.

As a child, I remember birthday parties and the excitement leading up to the big day. I know with each birthday, I was allowed a special incentive for triumph. Like being allowed to stay up later, extended curfew, increase in allowance, added privileges and more independent freedom. As an adult, unless it’s a milestone, it’s really just another day to give opportunity for family and friends to recognize you and to feel their love. Birthdays as a child represented growing up. Like when I was “10” I was in the double digits, then “12” I was a pre-teen, then “13” yeah a real teenager… then the big step “16” I could get my drivers license. Then it goes on, to be old enough to buy alcohol, get into restricted movies, and get your own place. I think as an adult we think of it as “our day” a special day to be honored and rewarded for your accomplishments. Birthdays are just another way for us to celebrate who we are and where we came from.

So, I celebrated my birthday a few days ago with my family and it was a wonderful day and I wouldn’t have change a thing. We kind of make our birthdays roll into weekends or a week depending on what day it lands on in the calendar. It’s more fun that way and it’s our family tradition.

You know you are getting old when getting luck means, you can find your car in the parking lot. Happy days!

Mother of Boys…

Being a mother of three boyz has its challenges and awards. I usually get the question, “Do you wish you had a girl?” So, I answer honestly, “No, I would not change a thing”. I wasn’t a tiniest bit disappointed with having a third boy, actually I was ecstatic. I will wait for granddaughters, cause then I can hand them back to their parents when the drama starts. Believe me, I’m a girl, so I know what drama is!

I have several moments that I refer too as “Mommy Moments” over the years of raising my boyz. If you are wondering why I spell the word “boyz” with a “z” is because when I refer to my sons, they are my boyz, boys in general are spelled with an “s”. This is exceptionally cute when they sign a card for me and spell it with a “z”. It is our secret code between Mother and Sons. Some of these Mommy Moments make me cry and others I am overwhelmed with joy. On May, 27th, I was watching American Idol with my oldest son, when my youngest came charging up the stairs screaming “Mom… I love you!” Sounds heart warming, doesn’t it… should make every Mother’s heart explode with pride, especially because he is almost 15 years old.

So before, I tell you the remaining of the story, let me fill you in on what it is like to be the Mother of three boyz. I was one of those moms who volunteered to do anything and everything that my boyz were interested in. Like being a Cub Scout Leader, Sunday School Teacher, PTA Mom, Classroom Mom, Sport Teams Mom, and everything else in between. Some times I had over committed but I struggled through it with my husband as my best helper. Being a mother of boys, you are also a mother of men. I enjoyed the low maintenance boys only requiring mud puddles, torn blue jeans, toads, and worms. You where always guaranteed to hear the car noises, shooting noises, and pretend bomb explosions. Also, the surprise of the mystery night that transformed your little boy to no longer want to go into the women’s bathroom with you, or let you see him in the bath. What happened to our little boyz… they grow up to be bigger boyz.

So, back to the story… I was sitting on a rolling stool in front of the sofa as my son came careening across the room with his arms wide open. I am assuming he thought we would crash into the sofa for a soft landing. His attempt to be playfully by hugging and squishing me went from giggles to cries but not by him. He accidentally kicked me in the cheek with his heel as I wrestled to get him off me in fun. I hit the floor and faked the cry of “You hurt me”… and in a second I sat up with, “Just kidding, it didn’t hurt that much”. His eyes widened as he starred into my face. Trusting his reaction was not acting, I reached for my cheek and felt a lump the size of a golf ball. Now the joke was on me. He quickly ran for ice to put on my cheek. It took a day before the swelling went down and 4 days later, I had a black eye. It was all in fun; I wore the shiner proudly and wouldn’t have changed the “Mommy Moment”.

So don’t worry my son is not aggressive but he does enjoy the rough and tumble play. I guess it’s a guy thing to show his strength but he always does it with a smile and in fun. As the saying goes, it is all fun and games until someone looses a wiener!